I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
