his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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