Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
