I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
