I'm sorry my penis didn't work
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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