At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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