He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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