I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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