Christians are straight up FREAKS
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
