so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize