We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
