At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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