Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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