You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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