everyone is single if you try hard enough
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
