I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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