do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
