The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
even my farts smell like vagina
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
