she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
