How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All the doctor said was why
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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