I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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