You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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