I feel like abortions should bother me more
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
