Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
