I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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