She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
