I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
