No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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