By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
