Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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