Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Someone came in the potted fern
i need some magic done to my vagina
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
