he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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