Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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