just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
