I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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