i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
