Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
