you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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