yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
