He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
