i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
