wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
