I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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