So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
