my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
