It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
