the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
