i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
