You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
