Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize