You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
