I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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