she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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