Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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