Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
