So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
