I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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