dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
