There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
