Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are