Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"