If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.