just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY