They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.