Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
this will be a night to untag.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
