dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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