i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize